I was plugging away in ministry and had just started sending out bimonthly devotions for international nurses (NCFI) when I was sent into the abyss of grief. The sudden death of my younger sister was like pulling the rug out from under me. I spent the next 18 months contending with the anguish and struggling to make sense of all the Lord had stirred up in my heart and soul. The Lord, always faithful and loving, carried and guided me through this time.
For my story is not only a revelation of how God worked through the acute loss of my sister, but it also includes the resurfacing of traumatic childhood memories. You see, my sister and I were both raised in an alcoholic, abusive home and were victims of incest. These dark shadows threaded through both of our lives. The Lord merciful and graciously enveloped me with his love and grace in my 20’s. I immediately experienced his redemptive healing that brought forth the loving light of Jesus into my life. This light was filled with an amazing joy, love, and vibrancy for life and for the Savior who changed me—Jesus. I know it sounds cliché, but I was truly changed. As with any journey, the path was filled with potholes, bumps, and ruts.
The thing about redemption journey, is it is incomplete. As Christians we continue to mature in our relationship with Jesus. As I faced the death of my sister, the Lord said, “Carrie, I am with you. Trust me and follow me.” It has been a challenge—filled with fear, anguish, and uncertainty. I have and continue to feel vulnerable, walking with spiritual blindness and deafness of where this journey will take me. Yet, I trust the God who has been faithful to me time and time again (Psalm 136). I take it moment by moment—my new mantra. And when I am in a panic or overwhelmed I pull out Psalm 91 Song which continues to soothe my soul while teaching me how to trust God and depend upon the providence he affords.
Check out the series of devotions I wrote for NCFI Cares: Psalm 91. A few of them have been republished in the CARES book and other venues around the world.
(page updated 2017)