Month: August 2024

Cross to the Crucifix

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How a joyful protestant became a joyful catholic

To begin with, let me tell you a little about myself. I am a born-again Christian who accepted Jesus as my personal savior over 36 years ago. I had a radical transformational experience with Jesus overwhelming me with his love, grace, acceptance, and joy! My life verse is Luke 5:24-25, (Jesus) said to the man who was paralyzed, “I say to you, rise pick up your mat and go home. And the paralytic immediately rose up before them and picked up his bed and went home, glorifying God.”  The verse spoke of my need for emotional healing from a difficult childhood and the need to learn to walk on my new legs as I glorified God for his strength, love, and grace.

I fully entered my relationship with Jesus, giving him everything I am and faithfully serving Him. Like many of you, my faith journey includes potholes and wonderful pathways. Early in my nursing career, the Lord placed a passion in my heart to encourage Christian nurses to live out their faith personally and professionally. I started my business, nurses4him.org, and published books and articles. I was overwhelmed with joy when the Lord connected my passion and work to a global nursing ministry called Nurses Christian Fellowship International or NCFI in 2010. Learn more by visiting the page Encouraging International Christian Nurses.

My faith journey has always included bits and pieces of Catholicism, like multicolored cobblestones. My first nursing friend is a devout catholic, and my family would attend Christmas Eve Mass with her and her family. The Good Friday services with the stations of the cross enriched my faith during Passion Week. I discovered the Divine Office about 13 years ago. Even know, I enjoy virtually praying with brothers and sisters from around the world.

Many saints have impacted me, with St. Teresa of Calcutta or Mother Teresa being my favorite. Her love and service to the poor and suffering have guided my nursing practice. In addition, my favorite Christian nursing author is Sr. Mary Elizabeth O’Brien, whose research and publications in Spiritual Care continues to guide my practice and teaching. She is my Spiritual Nurse Mentor and I have written a review of one of her many books. The Lord has infused my faith journey with many great Christians and Catholics.

I loved my church, even though it wasn’t perfect. I love my bible study friends/prayer partners, and I loved my ministry to Christian nurses. All was well. Then, approximately two years ago, the Lord radically altered my faith journey by sending me down a new path.

The first step on the path was being convicted of a deficit of God’s truth in my life. See my posting Moral Courage for Pro-Life. At about the same time, my husband, who grew up in a Catholic and Protestant home, had always held a deep reverence for God, especially regarding the church. Over the years, having served as a Protestant pastor and a theologian, he longed for the reverence he remembered from his youth, which is greatly lacking in today’s modern Evangelical worship service. He discerned the Holy Spirit was leading him to return to the Catholic faith so that he could once again give God his devoted reverence.

Initially, I alternated attending Mass with my husband and attending my protestant church. At times, when I attended Mass, the Lord would quicken my heart or he would bang on my spirit. When the Lord would bang on my spirit, I would find myself weeping in Mass. Sometimes, if I looked at the crucifix above the altar, I would become emotional or teary-eyed during a song. Other times, I would have full-fledged weeping. It began with The Spiritual Communion. Since the Mass I attended was live-streamed, the Priest would pause before communion to lead everyone in saying The Spiritual Communion Prayer written by St. Alphonsus Liguori. There I would be on my knees reciting the prayer out loud and start weeping:

My Jesus, I believe that You are present in the Most Blessed Sacrament.
I love You above all things, and I desire to receive You into my soul.
Since I cannot now receive you sacramentally, come at least spiritually into my heart.
I embrace You as if you were already there, and I unite myself wholly to You.
Never permit me to be separated from You.

Even today, when I say, “I love you above all things” my spirit soars with love for God.  Later on, when I discovered I could go forward during communion and receive a blessing from the priest, I could barely make it back to my pew before weeping.

Needless to say, the Lord was working in my heart and calling me to Catholicism. I am not naturally an obedient person, thus I would argue with God by saying, “I am a happy protestant. I don’t want to change churches.” Other times, I would demand from God, “Why now? If you wanted me to be Catholic, why didn’t you lead me earlier?” While I was arguing with God I would get on my knees try to submit my heart, mind, and spirit to His ways through repeating (through tears and turmoil):

“(Jesus) you are the author and perfector of my faith.” (Hebrews 12:2)
“May it be done to me according to thy will.” (Luke 1:38).  

When I finally stopped arguing with God and could listen to Him, He spoke clearly and said, “I want you to love me through the liturgies and traditions of the Catholic church.” Of course, I relented, not out of fanatical obedience, instead out of love. How can I tell Jesus “No.” Like Peter’s bold statement, “Where else can I go, you are the Son of God.” (John 6:68-69), where would I go or live without Him.

The weeping wasn’t over. I wept through my meeting with the priest and with the director of RCIA. I continued to weep at times during Mass, during my RCIA classes, and other times. The Lord has always moved me to experience Him through tears.

Yet, my journey had just begun. I had to receive an annulment from my first marriage, which from my understanding, happened quite quickly–Praise the Lord. Since there was no baptismal record, I needed to receive all three sacraments. So, in 2024. I left the cross (a symbol of Christianity) and went to the crucifix (a symbol of Catholicism). Where the Lord will lead, I have no idea. In the meantime, I am enjoying learning how to love God through the vast liturgies, 2000 years of traditions, and immeasurable advice from the saints.

NCFI Cares: My RX for Insomnia

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“On that night the king could not sleep. And he gave orders to bring the book of memorable deeds, the chronicles, and they were read before the king.” (Esther 6:1)

What do you do when you are unable to sleep? Do you listen to music or use an app on your phone to occupy your brain until you get tired? Do you read books or get out of bed to watch television or videos?

I have to admit I have had some very difficult times with insomnia. Some of it is part of getting older; our bodies don’t sleep as well as they used to. Don’t you miss the ease and depth of sleeping when you were younger? I do. In addition to aging, stress or overwork can wreak havoc on our ability to shut off our brains and rest.

The scripture above is found in the account of Queen Esther. During a bout of insomnia, the king asked his attendant to bring the chronicles of his kingdom. Like reading the newspaper, King Ahasuerus wanted an update on what was happening in his kingdom.

While the king may read about the events of his kingdom, I would prefer to pray. One of my favorite passages is Psalm 136:

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good,
for his steadfast love endures forever.
Give thanks to the God of gods,
for his steadfast love endures forever.
Give thanks to the Lord of lords,
for his steadfast love endures forever;

As you continue reading the psalm you will see clear sections marked out by a repeating refrain, “his steadfast love endures forever.”

Versus 4-9, focus on the Lord’s awesome works in creation: made the heavens, spread out the earth above the heavens, made the great lights, the sun, and moon and stars.

The next section, verses 10-22, provides a brief account of the Lord’s work on behalf of the Israelites: struck down the firstborn, brought Israel out, divided the Red Sea, overthrew Pharaoh, killed mighty kings, and gave a heritage to Israel. This is the section I alter for myself. I will begin to recount the good deeds the Lord has done in my life:

Blessed me with children and grandchildren,
“his steadfast love endures forever.”
Provides a job for me and my husband,
“his steadfast love endures forever.”
Guided me through caring for my mother,
“his steadfast love endures forever.”
And so on….

Stop now and take a moment to write down the immediate needs the Lord has fulfilled.

This is my RX for insomnia, recounting the personal good deeds the Lord has done for me along with proclaiming “his steadfast love endures forever.”. Depending on what has happened that day or my current stress, I will alter my accounts and ensure I conclude with a final refrain:

Give thanks to the God of heaven,
for his steadfast love endures forever.

Lord, Make Me an Instrument of Your Peace

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One of the remnants of a time when I was a staff nurse at the hospital is a printout of The Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi. It was taped inside my locker. When I would open my locker to put my purse away and dig out my stethoscope, pens, surgical scissors, and other items, I would see the humble words of St. Francis of Assisi:

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy;

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.

Today, some 30 years later, as I reflect on the influence of Catholic saints on my nursing practice, I was reminded of this simple, yet powerful prayer. St. Francis who encouraged Christians to bring the love and joy of the Holy Spirit into a world filled with sadness and despair (Galatians 5:22).

I wish I could say my nursing career was a reflection of the St. Francis prayer. Instead, I can honestly say, I have tried. At times, I have brought joy into sadness and hope where there was a lack of faith. Maybe that is a more attainable goal for us non-Saints. Instead of using the prayer as an assessment tool. Choose one phrase or word and bring that to one person in need of the Spirit’s touch.

  • Bring hope to a suffering patient in despair.
  • Pardon a colleague who has caused you harm.
  • With a caring word shine the light of Christ into the darkness of depression.
  • Share a heart of joy with everyone, especially those who grieve.